I don’t feel anymore. Why don’t I feel anymore? How do I change it? How do I feel alive again? What’s wrong with me? Let me get rid of the thought of you so I can move on completely and love him completely.
I wish I could torture you with something equivalent to the pain you put me through and I wish it could stay with you like it did with me.
I loved you, but now I love him. I love him with everything I have left, but that’s not enough. You have ruined me. You have made me incapable of feeling true love and trusting someone completely. I made a mistake and it cost me. I wish I could forget you, but I remember the pain and the torture you put me through. I remember the tears I shed for you that you didn’t deserve. I am afraid of you. So much that I look for you in crowds as if you are following me. So much that I find you in people’s faces and I feel like everyone around me is going to treat me like you did. I hate you. I want to forget. I want to be cured.
I can’t listen to old music that reminds me of you. I can’t wear the bracelet you gave me. I can’t write anything down because it hurts too much. I can’t see your name. I can’t remember good times, only bad. But if all of that is true then why can I listen to new music that reminds me of you? Why can’t I take off the ring you have me? Why can I write this? Why can I see your face in my mind right now as I’m writing this and not completely fall apart? Why can I think of you as the past, not the present? I think of you and nothing makes sense. I will never understand this feeling. You disgust me with the words you say, the jealousy you wear and the visions you declare. But you made me feel whole and for some time that was enough for us, for me. I don’t know what it’s worth now and I probably never will. I’m afraid to know and that’s the truth.
"You’re holding on to your grudge. Oh it hurts to always have to be honest with the one that you love. Oh, so let it go."
— Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don’t by Brand New
"This is war. Every line is about who I don’t wanna write about anymore."
— Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don’t by Brand New
I can’t deal with the fights and the anxiety and the nerves and the split relationships. I thought I could but I can’t. I just want this all to go away so I can clear my head so I can stop feeling this terrible aching in my chest that gets so intense I can’t breathe. I just can’t do it anymore. If it’s meant to be it will be.
You are scaring me. I am freaking out and you don’t seem to understand that. I can’t breathe!
I’m done. Congratulations. You scared me away. I can’t love you because all I can think about is a monster that I can’t calm. I can’t look at you or listen to you when all I see and hear is jealousy and bitterness that you refuse to let go of. I need someone who can forgive and you’re incapable of doing so. I need someone who doesn’t feel so threatened all the time. I need… Sanity. I need… Peace. I need… Hope.
I feel like I’m going to throw up. I can’t breathe and I’m shaking. I am scared out of my mind and you’re only making it worse. You’ve turned into my nightmares.
